I say "supposed to be" because I am sick. Not fall down sick, not run a temperature sick, but a nice cold. I have a lovely sounding cough and runny nose. I could blame Dan for getting me sick (and believe me, he already blames himself), but I am a teacher and exposed to all kinds of fun germs. We knew it was going to happen. Especially since we stopped doing the white blood cell booster.
But it's ok.
As long as they don't delay my chemo.
Right now I have been waking up at night in a panic. I thought I was having bad dreams, but it is really my anxiety about my doctor postponing my last treatment. I wake up thinking I have missed something or messed up and I can no longer have my treatment.
If I do have my treatment tomorrow this weekend will suck. BUT! I will be fine by Thanksgiving. I will be great by Christmas. And I will be able to party hard on New Years. All of these things I am looking forward to. All of these events I want to feel NORMAL for again. Not tired, not nauseous, not bald. Normal.
I think I look a little less bald though!
This is my "hair" back in September.
I want to have energy again to go to the gym. I miss the gym! I haven't gone since I started chemo in July due to energy levels and all the extra germs.
As chemo has gone on I have noticed a pattern. I lose and gain about 10 pounds during the 2 weeks after chemo. The first week, everything tastes off and metallic and I stop eating. The second week I am starving all the time and everything sounds great (thanks steroids)! My weight though has pretty much stayed the same, but I feel so lethargic since I used to spend most of my time at the gym.
So I started running.
It is cold, but not too cold to run!
I don't like running. It is not my friend. But I started a Couch to 5k program and have been running now for 2 weeks. I figure that since I can't go to the gym yet and I can't really help what I am eating at the moment, I can at least do something to start getting back in shape.
Dan has been joining me most nights. We enjoy running together and he can at least carry on a conversation while I huff and puff beside him. It is also nice to do when I am jacked up on steroids since I sleep better after running.
I plan on doing the program 2 or 3 times to get ready to run a 5k in April that Dan wants to do.
But tonight and tomorrow morning I will be holding my breath and praying that we get to end this journey and move on. You can be sure that we will have a little party during my last chemo with the nurses and doctors. There may even be donuts! :)
I will be wearing my purple tomorrow and may even find a purple shirt for Dan to wear. If you wear purple, send me a text or email! I would love to see it!