Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Yes, Dan is still here.

And he has opinions.  I'm kind of freaking out.
Let me just get this out of the way.  This won't be some mind bending computer code post like last time.

Opinion #1:
Babies are scary.  I know they shouldn't be but I find it hard to believe that any parent out there hasn't been hit by a case of the "what ifs".

Opinion #2:
Dogs are babies best friends. Proof.  I can't tell you how much I hope this holds true in our family.  To know that our first born has a built in companion makes some of the "what ifs" go away.

Opinion #3:
Pregnancy is a beautiful blah blah yackity shmack.  Phooey.  Pregnancy is cruel.  Temporary or not.  Life changing events can be traumatic.  Outside of the fact that it seems to be easier for some people, I don't think it should be taken lightly by anyone.  It's not fair that Julia has to worry about everything she eats, or every piece of discomfort that comes her way.  Given this definition of the word pregnant, it's no wonder that many mothers develop an inherent sense of guilt.  This important person hasn't even said hello yet and some piece of cheese that you thought sounded good might have some terrible bacteria in it that will impact this meaningful life.   Stallone didn't have this much pressure in Cliffhanger.

Opinion #4:
I am a selfish person.  I think everyone should leave me alone and I also don't like to share food.  There, I've said it.  I'm just being honest.  Not because I want you to know something about me, but because I'm afraid that I won't be fair with my child.  Mothers aren't the only ones afflicted by "mom guilt".

Opinion #5:
Entertaining a small child is more difficult than entertaining three hundred wedding guests for FIVE hours.  I've figured it out.  I know what makes grown people break free from the safe comfort of their chairs and let everything out on the dance floor as if no one was watching.  I'm also fairly sure I understand the psyche of a woman, which every comedian will tell you is impossible, more than I understand what on earth a toddler wants to do.

Opinion #6:
I'll be a cool dad when my kid is old enough to hold a soldering iron.  How long does that take?

Opinion #7:
I will never be a cool dad.  And I actually kind of dig that.  I hope I embarrass the heck out of my kids.  If they are embarrassed it is because they actually do want to be around you they are just trying to look cool in front of their friends.  So my goal is uncool.  After thirty-one years of zero organized sports, four seasons of marching band, a penchant for anything Legend of Zelda, and a wardrobe that would make a college student look good; I've about got this in the bag.

Opinion #8:
My wife is amazing.  Sit down for this one.  You want to know what she did while I've been freaking out about a baby?
-Completed a semester load of graduate school courses.
-Planned at least three different permutations of a nursery.
-Organized a flash mob dance at a fourth of July celebration.
-Mowed the lawn.  Twice.
-Fed me.
-Kept the house clean.
-Planned a "Gender Reveal Party"
-Took an aquatic aerobic class.
-Shouldered the burden of worry about our child.
-Planned an out of town vacation with some of our best friends.  A well needed one at that.
-Babysat for our friends.
-Fed me.
-Found great prices on maternity clothes.  Like free!
-Insisted that corn dogs make a suitable dinner.  I can't argue with her.
-Went back to the next aquatic aerobics class.
-Got a "pedi".  And her toes still look great.

Opinion #9:
I have no idea what point B looks like now that we have a child to factor in to the equation, but I know that I will arrive with Julia.  And I will arrive because of Julia.

Ok, Questions:
How far along:  I'm 31 and a half.  I'll gladly accept birthday checks next January.

Total Weight Gain:  I've been kind of waffling between 3 and 5 pounds.

Maternity Clothes:  Why would you ask me that?  Next Question.

Stretch Marks:  Dude, I was a fat kid.  I've had those for years.

Sleep:  Daily.  Not a problem, although my IT band in my left hip acted up sunday morning.  So I got up and watched some crappy movies.  #sharknado

Best Moment of this week:  When Julia told me that she didn't care about me being lazy, she cared about me getting in the way of her eating at TGI Fridays.

Miss Anything:  Is that like a beauty pageant or something?

Movement:  Daily.  Around 9 am.

Food Cravings:  I love burritos.  Anything mexican.

Anything making me queasy or sick:  Our cat killed a mouse.  I mean it didn't really bother me but I guess it was gross.

Have you started to show yet:  Again.  Fat kid.  Stop asking bad questions.

Gender:  Male.  Duh.  OH! The kid.  Hell I don't know yet.

Labor Signs:  Like the orange ones on the interstate?

Belly button in or out:  I thought I told you to stop asking bad questions.

Wedding Rings On or Off:  Weird.  But Mine is actually too big and it falls off quite frequently.

Happy or Moody most of the time:  I'm a moody jerk.

Looking forward to:  Eating bagels with Julia sunday morning.

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha, love this. Dan, you're going to be the best dad.