Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I'm still here

First let me say "thank you" to Dan for filling in for me on the blogosphere. I love the way he writes and thought it would be fun to get his perspective from time to time on this blog. He gets to go through this whole cancer ride as well.

I have been able to eat some Ensure, banana smoothies, pudding and chicken soup. 
We talked to the oncologist on call on Monday afternoon since my Dr. is still on vacation. He stated that everything was very normal, and I didn't have any sort of infection or anything.

Well suck.

He also stated, however, if I continued to not be able to eat and my counts got too low, I would not be able to have my second chemotherapy as planned.

Well suck again.

Lord knows right now I don't want to do chemo ever, ever again. 

I wasn't prepared mentally. I was too naive of what I thought was to come. I thought I had researched enough and knew all the side effects and how to avoid them. But chemo really sucks. Just all the time, it really sucks. But in no WAY am I going to let this thing string out any longer than it has too. 

So next time I will go in more prepared. I will drink sooo much water I will float away. This will hopefully get the toxins out of me faster which should help my mouth hopefully next time. I also know what to expect now and I have pain meds at the ready. I just kept expecting to wake up and be all better. Like having the flu and getting over it. What I now know, however, is it is going to be a managing game. Managing how much I can eat and drink. Managing my pain meds and staying on top of the doses even if I start to feel better.

I have some battle scars, but I am not close to being battle weary yet. 

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